Funny school poems Class Dismissed by Bruce Lansky We have broken all the blackboards so the teachers cannot write. We have painted all the toilets black and all the lockers white. We have torn up all the math books and we've locked the school's front door. There won't be school no more. Glory, glory hallelujah! School is closed now, what's it to ya? There won't be no more homework and there won't be no more tests. There won't be school no more. My Sister's Always on the Phone by Bruce Lansky My sister's always on the phone. I never see her study. She doesn't do her homework, which is why her grades are cruddy. My sister's always on the phone, but I don't think that's cool. My sister is so popular she's flunking out of school. Morning Announcements by Sylvia Andrews Good morning, Staff and Students, take note of what I say. In school we will have showers for April starts today. Some teachers were suspended for giving too much work. Today, if you feel lazy, you'll be allowed to shirk. We want to find the student who brought a pig to school. It is "running" down the hallways, and that's against the rule. Today on our lunch menu, are bumblebees in sauce or chopped cockroach sandwiches and salad you can toss. Next year we'll pay our students for work they do in school... ...and if you believe these messages, then you're an APRIL FOOL! My Dog Chewed Up My Homework by Bruce Lansky I'm glad to say my homework's done. I finished it last night. I've got it right here in this box. It's not a pretty sight. My dog chewed up my homework. He slobbered on it, too. So now my homework's ripped to shreds and full of slimy goo. It isn't much to look at, but I brought it anyway. I'm going to dump it on your desk if I don't get an A. What I Found in My Desk by Bruce Lansky A ripe peach with a ugly bruise, a pair of stinky tennis shoes, a day-old ham-and-cheese on rye, a swimsuit that I left to dry, a pencil that glows in the dark, some bubble gum found in the park, a paper bag with cookie crumbs, an old kazoo that barely hums, a spelling test I almost failed, a letter that I should have mailed, and one more thing, I must confess, a note from teacher: Clean This Mess!!!! What to Remember in School by Kenn Nesbitt Forget that two times four is eight. Forget the name of every state. Forget the answers on the test. Forget which way is east or west. Forget the myths of ancient Rome. Forget to bring your books from home. Forget the words you learned to spell. Forget to hear the recess bell. Forget your homeroom teacher's name. Forget the after-school game. Forget which team's supposed to win. Forget to turn your homework in. Forget the distance to the moon. Forget how many days in June. Forget the capital of France. But don't forget to wear your pants! Too Busy by Bruce Lansky I've folded all my laundry and put it in the drawer. I've changed my linen, made my bed, and swept my bedroom floor. I've emptied out the garbage and fixed tomorrow's lunch. I've baked some cookies for dessert and given Dad a munch. I've searched the house for pencils and sharpened every one. There are so many things to do when homework must be done. There's a New Cook in the Cafeteria by Bruce Lansky Good Morning, staff and students. We have a brand new cook. And that's why our lunch menu will have a brand new look. To make a good impression, our cook's prepared a treat: your choice of snapping turtle soup or deep-fried monkey meat. If you're a vegetarian, we have good news today: she's serving pickled cauliflower and jellyfish souffle. And for dessert our cook has made a recipe from France: I'm sure you'll all want seconds-- of chocolate-covered ants. I hope you like this gourmet feast. I hope you won't complain. But if you do we'll have to bring our old cook back again. Turn Off the TV! by Bruce Lansky My father gets quite mad at me; my mother gets upset-- when they catch me watching our new television set. My father yells, "Turn that thing off!" Mom says, "It's time to study." I'd rather watch my favorite TV show with my best buddy. I sneak down after homework and turn the set on low. But when she sees me watching it, my mom yells out, "No!" Dad says, "If you don't turn it off, I'll hang it from a tree!" I rather doubt he'll do it, 'cause he watches more than me. He watches sports all weekend, and weekday evenings too, while munching chips and pretzels-- the room looks like a zoo. So if he ever got the nerve to hang it from a tree, he'd spend a lot of time up there-- watching it with me.
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